Last time I broke the tape, this time I broke my foot.
Ok, that’s a bit overdramatic. And inaccurate. My foot isn’t broken, but I have a stress fracture in the fifth metatarsal.
A stress fracture is a first for me. So is a race DNF.
Two-thirds of the Hansons-Brooks crew was on fire last weekend at the Gate River Run, this year’s host of the USATF 15k Championships. Chelsea placed fourth in her longest race ever, behind two Olympians (Molly Huddle, Jordan Hassay) and a four-time D1 NCAA Champion (Molly Seidel). Brendan placed seventh in an impressive men’s field.
They both ran boldly, with confidence and guts.
I felt like I missed the party of the year.
The week leading up to Gate was a hodgepodge of emotions. There were signs that my foot was not happy, and there were signs I could race on it. Our sports doctor cited a potential stress reaction, but it was our goal to get me across the Gate River finish line.
Our last workout before the race was a huge confidence boost on my end, confirming I was able to take on the challenge. However, I was also ice bucketing my foot more and more. My little limp, which was lingering for a month or two, was suddenly visible to everyone (I was hoping it was all in my head).
At our team dinner the night before the race, Kevin gave me instructions I didn’t want to hear: “Do no further damage. If your foot hurts too much, you need to drop out.”
He gave similar instructions to Rachele before she helped our team win the 2017 USATF Club Cross Country title. She gimped through morning strides before executing a tenacious 6k race. That gave me fistfuls of optimism, which I held in an iron grip.
The first mile of the race was concerning. The second was downright pathetic. I couldn’t push off my toes on my right foot, and each compromise in form contributed to my dragging pace. I felt fit, and every part of me felt ready to go except my throbbing right foot.
Mile 2: 6:26. My foot felt like it was trapped in a meat grinder. I knew I had to drop out. When I saw Kevin on the sidelines, he knew it too, and he motioned for me to call it a day.
I watched the race play out from the sidelines. Other people executed parts of my race plan. Other people took risks. Other people tested their limits. Other people conquered the final bridge, affectionately named the Green Monster.
When Chelsea and I checked out of our hotel, she grabbed my race bib off the dresser. “Do you want this?” she asked.
“Nah. I don’t need a reminder of my botched attempt at racing,” I told her.
“You want it,” she said. So I stuffed it in my bag.
My mom’s first job out of college was with American Speedy Printing. She loved that job. They let her go after the company filed for bankruptcy, and she asked for a written evaluation. The company refused, stressing the layoffs were solely for financial reasons.
She asked again. They obliged.
When American Speedy got back on its feet, they immediately hired her back.
In a circumstance where many would be asking for recommendation letters, my mom asked for an evaluation. She sought improvement and opportunity through failure. Once she got that evaluation, she took it to heart and kept it her entire life.
So here I am, seeking opportunity through failure. My body broke down on me. It’s an opportunity to work on the fundamentals. Explore cross training. Push harder in the gym. Strengthen all sorts of little muscles in the foot.
I may not have an evaluation sheet, but I’m keeping this bib number with me for awhile. I’m still wearing the race wristband as I write this, because I’m not ready to take it off. Gate and I have some unfinished business.
I had an appointment with Dr. Ormsbee when we got back from Florida. X-rays and exams confirmed a fracture. I immediately went home and made three lists:
Things I Can’t Do
Things I Can Do
Things I’d Like to Do
Obviously, the biggest thing I can’t do right now is run. That shakes up my routine a lot. But as I brainstormed, I found there are so many things I can still do to maintain fitness, and there are new things for me to research and try. The things I’d like to do include fun or productive activities I put off while focusing on running.
I know I’ve been lucky to evade injury all these years. But that means there are so many people in the running community – of all ages and abilities – with more expertise than me on persevering through injury.
If you have any cross training tips, advice on staying positive, or podcast recommendations (I listen to them during bike workouts!), please reach out.
In four to six weeks, I’ll see you on the trail. Until then, run happy my friends.
@melbrender 
GREAT post. As a fellow writer, I’m so impressed with the way this was written. 🙂 As a runner, I’m so sorry for the pain. 😦 Heal up quick!!
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After dealing with a fourth metatarsal stress fracture, I can relate and know that it flat out sucks. I can imagine how much more it sucks when running is your job. I tried to stay as positive as I could through recovery, but it’s hard not to get frustrated at times. I tried to tell myself that I was gaining more experience. It’s something a lot of runners go through, so now I’d be able to relate. I spent plenty of time doing core and weights workouts because I couldn’t do much else. Even biking irritated my foot half the time. Speaking from that wonderful *experience* I gained, take it easy coming back. When I thought I was fine and decided to push the mileage again, suddenly my foot hurt again and I ended up taking a couple more months off. I stayed positive that time around because it pushed me back into a regular swimming routine. Embrace what you ARE able to do in the meantime. This will just be a short moment in time and you’ll be back at it before you know it!
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As much as it sucks to not be running now… just remember that a run now is not worth a lifetime of running later! Take care of your body first, and you’ve got many runs ahead of you. See you out there somewhere down the road!
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